i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
