I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize