Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
