god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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