I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also, beer. Big fan.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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