a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
