it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
