At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
