the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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