You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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