She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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