we have officially lost it.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
