When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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