Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize