and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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