I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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