North Korea, Best Korea!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize