I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wish you could order shots online.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
