i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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