oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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