I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize