If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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