shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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