so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
