take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
