I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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