I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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