A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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