Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize