So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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