Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
