why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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