Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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