ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
thus making me awesome and them whores
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
