Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Pants are for mortals
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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