Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
