guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
