yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
