Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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