Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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