I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
