i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
