The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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