and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
