theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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