TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
