How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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