Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
