I want to have your abortion
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
