I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
