That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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