I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
