i love accidental penises.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
