You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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