Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
