My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize