Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
