i don't like sucking hair
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
