do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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