the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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