i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
